Things You Know
by gveret
Summary: Kanji, it's hard. Being a kid and growing up. It's hard and nobody understands. Naoto, Kanji, gender, friendship, sexuality, and lack thereof.


He makes a point of jerking off to lesbian porn. It's one hundred percent girl density and there's no way a gay guy would be able to orgasm to that. He even doesn't have to feel guilty for picturing Naoto's face on one of them, 'cause Naoto's also a goddamn girl. Who he likes.

Whom. _Whom_ he likes. She's got good grammar. He should maybe start talking posh too.

Well, nah. He ain't about to start sounding like a ponce. But he can keep his who's and whom's straight.

Straight. He's straight. He likes a girl. He likes the ways in which she's girly, which are all the cooler because she's kinda not. Girly, that is. But she's still a girl. He likes her voice a lot. He likes her boobs, even if he can't see 'em. He likes the idea of them, and that's not a gay thought.

It's okay if she's his first girl crush. He's only sixteen, and he's been busy with other things. Some guys're just late bloomers, like. It doesn't really make him less of a man.

And if it does, then just screw it. Kanji doesn't even know what being a man means anymore.

.

Naoto calls him out of the blue. She does that sometimes, when she's got nothing to do and wants someone to do it with, or when she's a little sad and lonely and unwilling to admit it. They never talk feelings and they never judge, so it's the perfect arrangement for both of them. Plus, he'd never say no to spending time with Naoto.

Sometimes they drink milkshakes or go for a run, and sometimes Kanji teaches her to knit. This time they sit on a low concrete fence and stay totally silent.

"Bisexuality," she says all of a sudden. Seriously, he was pretty sure this was gonna be one of their silent sessions, which he's totally cool with; he's not so good with words anyway. But she just blurted it out like she's been brooding on it for a while. She's not exactly an expert on chitchat, either.

"What the hell," he says and gives her an intimidating look. She ain't intimidated. Obviously.

"Physical or romantic attraction to both human genders and or sexes. There may be a certain preference for one over the other or they can be equally as sexually appealing." She often sounds like she's swallowed a textbook, especially when she's talking about something she's especially passionate about. But this is ridiculous. "Some make a distinction between bisexuality and pansexuality, which includes persons of all sexual and gender identities, beyond the binary division of male and female."

"The fuck are you talking about, Shirogane?"

She doesn't seem to hear him. She's probably just ignoring him. He notices a blush has begun creeping up her neck. She plows bravely on. "Bisexuality has been observed in various human societies and elsewhere in the animal kingdom throughout recorded history. A stable two-to-six percent of American men self-identify as bisexual, and according to Alfred Kinsey, of the famous Kinsey scale, 46 percent of the male population had engaged in both heterosexual and homosexual activities, or sexually 'reacted to' persons of both sexes in the course of their lives." She's slightly out of breath by the end of the sentence, but retains her perfectly moderated intonation.

Kanji starts fidgeting with his thumb ring. His badass thumb ring that's not a girly thumb ring. Which isn't even possible 'cause there aren't any thumb rings that are girly. "Yeah? Where'd you hear _that_?"

She looks up at him with her face perfectly serious and flustered. She says, "Wikipedia."

There's a moment of silence. Then the corner of her lips twitches, and his eyebrows rise. They both burst out laughing; she with a weird little "Pffft," and he with a loud cough-like guffaw. Then they're laughing loud and open, like two people who are comfortably embarrassed together should.

"Kanji," Naoto says when they've regained their breath. "It's – it's confusing, and it hurts sometimes. I understand. It hurts me, too. But you don't have to hide anymore. It's not so bad."

And this is such a _girly_ talk, and he really didn't think either he or Naoto were capable of something like it, and it can kind of get him really angry if he let it, but he looks at Naoto who's looking at him from under the brim of her stupid detective hat and they can both get all their hackles raised but they already know each other's weak spots and dark parts and they're okay with them and

"Yeah," he says, gruff but he knows she doesn't buy it. "It's cool."

She smiles and without thinking, it seems, reaches out her hand and rests it on his ringed one. Neither of them is one for casual touching and they've never even hugged, but sitting together on that low stone fence holding hands feels, at that moment, perfectly natural.

.

They go cruising for chicks together one time. It's a thorough disaster.

Naoto was supposed to be his wingman, to show all the girls he's not as scary as he looks and he's actually a pretty cool guy to hang out with. But Naoto was dressed in her usual style and was getting swarmed by hot babes from the moment they stepped through the door.

They don't pay for a single drink that evening, because girls throw out any notions of traditional gallantry if they see a chance to get a smile out of the Detective Prince, and Kanji just drank and watched as Naoto was desperately beating off sloppy makeout attempts for most of the night.

It's around midnight and they've been there for a couple of hours when he notices a blonde in a miniskirt giving him the once over. He glances at Naoto but she's busy having a semi-coherent conversation with some chick that seems to be platonically smeared all over her shoulder. He considers going to her rescue but the girl seems harmless enough. He just catches Naoto rearranging the girl's top straps for her so that her bra is mostly covered before he turns back to the bar.

He gives the blonde a nervous smile as she scoots over to the seat next to him.

"Hey there," she says. "Do _you_ want to give the pickup line or should I do the honors?"

.

Making out with this nameless lady is pretty damn cool, Kanji thinks. She's a whole lot drunker than he is, but also a lot more experienced, and she can do some pretty sweet tricks with her tongue.

"So," her voice's turned low and husky, "my place or yours? I gotta warn you, though, my roommate's probably in."

For _that_, though, he's pretty sure he's not ready.

"I'm sorry," he says, and it comes out a little garbled, because he's drunk or maybe because his lips are all puffy. "It ain't you. I'm just still, kinda, hung up on this chick."

"Yeah? Not ready for a rebound?" He shakes his head. "How old are you, hon?"

She laughs at his expression. "That young, huh? Hope you're not underage?" He grimaces. "Well, fuck. You're _way_ mature for your age. What'd you do, take steroids?"

"I eat twenty raw eggs for breakfast. The shells, too." She laughs and he smiles, a little shyly, maybe. But she's fun to not-flirt with.

"You listen to me, ya little punk, first thing you gotta remember is to never leave your heart with a girl. They're crazy, those things. They'll mess it all up."

"Ain't that a bit hypocritical, lady?"

"It's Mai. Girls, they're a lot of fun. But they're dangerous. Only time I fell for a casual fuck, she left me in the dumps for weeks. Said I was a good lay, but not relationship material."

He doesn't really know what to say. So he just goes with, "Sorry."

"She was kinda right, but I still hated her for it."

"That sucks."

"Yeah." She gives a little grimace and goes back to smiling. "Tell me about your girl, then."

He thinks it's a little bit funny, talking about his secret love with a random girl he just made out with for twenty minutes. But he's drunk up his ass, so a little bit funny's good enough for him.

"She's my best freakin' friend. One a the first I ever had," he says, remembering the first time he met her, when he was completely sure she was a him. "I really love 'er. But she loves me back in the wrong way."

She laughs at him, but it doesn't really sting. "Well, kid, you really aren't very original. But that's okay. If you really love her, you'll find a way to do it that she can reciprocate. And then you'll totally be ready for a hot, _legal_ rebound girl."

He raises an eyebrow. "That a fact, Mai?"

She looks him in the eye, and though her lids are lowered and her gaze is slightly unfocused, suddenly she seems a little bit less drunk. "Yeah, by then you might even be ready for a rebound _guy_."

Naoto seems slightly dazed but mostly sober when they walk out of the bar together. "We'll – we'll do a gaybar next time," she says, and Kanji laughs and promises her there will never, ever be a next time.

He also adamantly refuses when she tries to shove a dozen napkins with phone numbers and _Call me_'s at him.

.

He never ends up telling her. The way he figures it, some types of bravery are just damn flat pointless. And maybe some time, when they're older and he's no longer a stuttering freakin' virgin, he'll spill it over drinks and they'll have a good laugh over it, Naoto telling him that was such a stupid infatuation and that she's reached the conclusion she's the least crush-worthy girl she knows, and him saying yeah, right and trying to mentally count how many love confessions Naoto's received since he met her. He'd fail, of course.

Maybe they won't remember it in the morning, but they probably _will_, and it'll just be another harmless anecdote from their crazy past that they wouldn't change for anything. And they'll both simply be relieved that _that_ hadn't turned into the total disaster it could've.

Yeah, that's probably how it'll go. Once he's older, and not a virgin, and over his first ever crush. On a girl. Who's got boobs. Hypothetically.

For now, Kanji's just gonna watch some lesbian porn and maybe do a little bit of his goddamn math homework.


End file.
